Contents
Writing of Mine That Doesn't Totally Suck
alChandler's Halls
Serving dozens since 1999!
On Editing
Giles Coren writes restaurant reviews for the Sunday edition of the London Times. There was an incident where a Times' subeditor removed an indefinite article from Coren's column. He was most unhappy:
I wrote: "I can't think of a nicer place to sit this spring over a glass of rosé and watch the boys and girls in the street outside smiling gaily to each other, and wondering where to go for a nosh."
It appeared as: "I can't think of a nicer place to sit this spring over a glass of rosé and watch the boys and girls in the street outside smiling gaily to each other, and wondering where to go for nosh."
There is no length issue. This is someone thinking "I'll just remove this indefinite article because Coren is an illiterate cunt and i know best".
Well, you fucking don't.
That was marvelous. If you're into bile, and I am, you can read the whole thing here.
July 24, 2008
To My Guild
To my guild: We've been through death and life together. The battles we've fought are legendary.
I just bought a new lamp for my office. No more fumbling for keys in the midst of mortal combat.
So shut the fuck up already.
July 24, 2008
I Like to Drill for Oil, If You Now What I Mean
At a time when the American government is talking about drilling for oil on the continental shelf, Europe is looking at long term solutions. In this case, a massive solar farm in the Sahara. Glad that some folks on this planet are thinking long term because we sure aren't.
July 23, 2008
Learning the Correct Context
A month or so ago, XKCD did this comic:
It was called XKCD Loves the Discovery Channel. I'm lookin' at it and lookin' at it and I'm thinkin', "Hmm. guess
he's in the mood for some musical comedy." That sound I heard was the sound of a cultural reference going over my head.
Today I went to Boing Boing, it's one of my daily stops. They had a story about some fine
folks who turned the strip into a video:
That's all well and good but the story also mentioned that the original strip was based on a commercial that the Discovery Channel did called I Love the World. There was no link to that but only the weak would need one. A hop, skip and a jump later I was at:
Ah ha! Context.
The nice thing about the internet, especially for someone my age, is you can learn about popular culture in the privacy of your own home. That way
you don't feel like an 80 year old man wearing his pants up to his arm pits.
July 23, 2008
How to Tell You're Really Getting Old
This is my current wallpaper. I like it but I can't help thinking that there must be a million deer ticks in there.
July 23, 2008
The Gernsback Continuum
You watch an old science fiction movie, maybe you read a short story from the 1930s. You start to think about
their visions of the future. You wonder what ever happened to their dreams. Did they go away? We're they just absorbed
by the reality of the 21st century?
No, they didn't go away. In this story by William Gibson a photographer finds out that those cities of the future
that never were are still there.
And extra credit if you know who Hugo Gernsback is without going to the Wikipedia.
July 22, 2008
Well This Seems Harsh
Michael Moorcock in the New York Times, unloading on Tolkien:
In “Starship Stormtroopers,” Moorcock takes a one-man stand against what he perceives as widespread reactionary politics in genre fiction, railing against not only monolithic science fiction writers like Robert A. Heinlein, Isaac Asimov and A. E. van Vogt (“wild-eyed paternalists to a man,” he declares them), but also C. S. Lewis and J. R. R. Tolkien — titans of fantasy who seemed to be obvious influences on him.
Wielding his pen like Stormbringer, Moorcock writes, “If I were sitting in a Tube train and all the people opposite me were reading ‘Mein Kampf’ with obvious enjoyment and approval it probably wouldn’t disturb me much more than if they were reading Heinlein, Tolkien or Richard Adams.” And then he takes off the kid gloves.
Of course, all this was written more then 30 years ago. The full essay is called Starship Stormtroopers and is, if you're into fantasy, quite interesting.
July 22, 2008
Civilization 4
I believe this is the first time Broer has sent a screen shot. The picture is from Civilization 4 and shows Broer's knights about to pulverize an enemy city.
July 20, 2008
Watchmen
In the 1930s the superhero comic was born. But what if, instead of writing about superheroes, people decided
to become superheroes? They trained, created costumes and fought crime. What would that world be like? We might have won the
Vietnam war. Nixon might still be president in 1985. And the public might have gotten tired of placing trust in folks who were, in the end,
just flawed human beings.
Welcome to the world of The Watchmen. Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons created it in a 12 issue miniseries
in the mid 1980s. You should read it but even if you don't you should see the movie.
July 19, 2008
Jack Turns 10
It's a little early but Jack will be 10 years old next week. Damn, the years go by quickly. As per tradition, we gave Jack catnip.
And he enjoyed himself.
When the buzz left, he slept on the floor, something he does rarely now. For a refugee, he's done alright.
July 18, 2008
The Dark Knight Returns
In archival footage, Bruce Wayne talks about the time he went up against Superman.
July 18, 2008
Insomnia and the Murloc Ringtone
For the past couple of weeks I've been insomniac. Oh, I've been sleeping, just not very well
and not too long. People hear this and say, "Well, you're at the age when your sleeping patterns start to change,"
and I smile and try to look like they've helped me out.
So the other night I'm playing Warcraft and starting to get a little loopy. Thing is, it's only 2:00 in the morning, so
I play on for a bit. Somehow, I get the idea that the funniest thing in the world would be a murloc ringtone.
That's a murloc. It's impossible to tell from the picture but they're small, obnoxious frog like things and they're annoying as all hell and they sound like this. It's disgusting but I thought, "Goddamnit, that's the ringtone I want. So I logged off and spent an hour trying to find a murloc sound file and more time trying to figure out how to move it to my phone. Verizon makes it easy to buy ringtones from them, but it's not quite so easy to use your own. But it's not brain surgery either. By 4:30 I had my murloc ringtone. Insomnia does strange things.
July 17, 2008
Fallout 3
I played Fallout back in the day and it was great. I tried to play fallout 2 but the damn thing was too buggy.
They eventually fixed them but, as you know, I don't have a lot of patience for that sort of thing. I abandoned
the game when the back half of my car disappeared. That was a real bug. I know that in a post-atomic hell hole you're
going to get car thieves but that wasn't the case. Half the car vanished ant that, my friends, ended the game.
This is the trailer for Fallout 3. When it comes out in fall, every
other game I'm playing goes away for awhile.
Maybe a long while.
July 15, 2008
The Weekend
Yes, I went to the beach
There are no pictures, keep dreaming.
July 14, 2008
On Fighting an Iron Golem
In Neverwinter Nights 2, iron golems are pretty tough. Normally, they can only be handled by
adamantite weapons. The last two times I played this game (yep, it beat me twice) I had to run out and get
some of those weapons. With my normal weapons the entire party wiped.
Not so, this time. This time, using my normal weapons, I was able to dispatch him
without too much trouble. This bodes well for
my confrontation with the dragon that stopped me cold the last two times. So, click on the picture and cheer alChandler and party on.
July 13, 2008
A Nation of Whiners
Senator John McCain's economic advisor, former Senator Phil Gramm, on the state of our economy:
"You've heard of mental depression; this is a mental recession," he said, noting that growth has held up at about 1 percent despite all the publicity over losing jobs to India, China, illegal immigration, housing and credit problems and record oil prices. "We may have a recession; we haven't had one yet."
"We have sort of become a nation of whiners," he said. "You just hear this constant whining, complaining about a loss of competitiveness, America in decline" despite a major export boom that is the primary reason that growth continues in the economy, he said.
Well let's see, oil is at $147 a barrel, Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac may have to be taken over by the government and GM may go bankrupt. But don't worry Mr. Gramm, I feel good about it.
July 11, 2008
Some More Thoughts on Book
Here's a list of the The 100 Best English-Language Novels of the 20th Century. Of the 100 books,
I've read 10 of them. Of the ten, I enjoyed three, two I felt were all right but I have no desire to reread them. The other five were exercises in torture. I read them
for school and hated every stinking moment. Yes, I'm talking to you Main Street.
And yet, I agree with Main Street's inclusion on the list. If you're serious about the American novel, Main Street is something you
have to encounter. And yeah, Ulysses is the most important novel of the 20th century. I'll never read it but I acknowledge its importance.
I suppose I would have been less offended by AOL's list if it had been the Ten Most Popular Books as Voted by Our Readers. And hell, I've read
enough to disagree with professional critics. Here's Time's list of the Best English-language Novels Since 1923.
Tolkien's on the list. I stand by my opinion that Tolkien isn't up there with F. Scott Fitzgerald and Virginia Woolf. And that's allowing for the fact
that the one book I tried reading by Woolf bored me to tears, I got about 30 pages in and gave up. Some of the other choices are just fucking weird. The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe is
on the list, as is Neuromancer. I love that book and I've reread it several times but the top 100?
Of course, I'm not a critic. My list of the top 100 novels of all time would be useless as a guide because I'm not informed enough. The Time critics can, presumably, back up their choices, I couldn't.
I mean, I'm not up on John Updike and that's not going to change anytime soon.
As to my favorite books, it would only be useful as a glimpse into the way my mind works.
For the rest, top ten list as voted on by the public, whether they're about books, films or other art forms, are depressing.
July 11, 2008
Ten Books to Read Before You Die
Mrs. Silverman, figuring my life wasn't angsty enough, sent me a list of AOL's Ten Books to Read Before You Die. "How bad is it?" you ask me. Here's number one:
Let's but it this way, I love The Lord of the Rings. It came in at number two. As much as I love
the book, it is not something to read before you die. It's something you read if you like fantasy. The Odyssey, Ulysses, Moby Dick, they're
books to read before you die, if you're into such things. And hell, I don't even like James Joyce. But The Stand and The Da Vinci Code? They're entertainment,
good to read on the bus or while taking a shit. Believe you me, I've read Dee Brown and if you go you're entire life without encountering The Da Vinci Code all you've missed
are a few entertaining craps.
There are some books on the list that are less embarrassing but the only one I stand 100% behind is The Bible. It says a lot that AOL felt compelled to give
a brief description of the book's plot. I guess for those folks who've never heard of the book.
July 9, 2008
Thomas Disch Is Dead
The first thing I read by Thomas Disch was a novelization of The Prisoner. I
wish I still had it but that book is lost to time. I read other stuff by him. One of his themes
was people trapped in endlessly recurring circumstances. As a pessimist, I can identify.
Disch's long time companion died months ago and Disch was looking at being evicted from his rent controlled apartment.
So he killed himself.
I'm not running a charity here but if one of my friends showed up at my front door and said, "I'm out doors you know," I'd take them in.
Disch didn't seem to have anybody like that. But there may have been reasons. Here's something he posted on his blog when Algis Budrys died:
Ding-Dong! the witch is dead! Which old witch? Algis Budrys! Ding-Dong indeed! He was 77. What a long wait it's been. I was certain I would beat him to the exit, but no I get to dance on his grave. He wrote a (would-be) killer review of my first novel The Genocides, which proves (1) that I am a nihilist, and (2) that I was the sedulous ape of J.G. Ballard, who may be blamed for most of my failings. For the next five or six years he bad-mouthed me at every opportunity and only laid off when he found himself lapping me the Clarion workshop in Michigan at yearly intervals. At Clarion he seemed to me as obnoxious as he did in print, always being armed with old LP "comedy" records so that at the party that marked his departure/my arrival we would all have the opportunity to sit down and listen to His records. He had the instincts of a tsar and in his twilight years he did his best to turn SF into a fiefdom of Scientology with himself as Patriarch. Ding-dong, the man is dead, and as Brutus said the Good lives after, and we can just inter the crappy, larger remnant. He was a mean, envious, fat old diabetic, but there are those who might say the same of me. They can do so here, if they like.
But again I say: Ding Dong!
Most of you don't know who Algis Budrys is but he was a widely respected science fiction writer and editor. There are people I like less then others
but I like to think I'm incapable of that level of hatred.
I like to think so, anyway.
But Disch wrote stories and novels I read and reread. I truly mourn his end. Shit, I might even have taken the bastard in for a couple of months. At least
until he got back on his feet.
I like to think so, anyway.
July 7, 2008
I Met the Walrus
In 1969 a 14 year old boy named Jerry Levitan made it into John Lennon's hotel room and asked for an interview. It was a different time so Lennon said yes. Now the interview is on YouTube with wonderful animation. Lennon would have been amused.
July 7, 2008
Captain America: Fuck Yeah
Least you think I'm unpatriotic.
July 5, 2008
7/4/2008
It looks rather grim right now. Gas is at $4 a gallon, unemployment is rising, the dollar
is in the toilet and global warming will make the aforementioned the least of our worries.
And yet we have no right to complain. In 2000 we sorta elected George Bush. Fine, shit happens. Thing is, we reelected
Bush in 2004. By then we knew he was a criminally incompetent thug but we sent him back to the White House anyway.
And the truly ironic thing is that a large number of folks who voted for him were working class folks, men and women
living from paycheck to paycheck. The people most likely to be hurt by the fallout from eight years of Bush's mismanagement.
Were I a Christian, I'd feel some compassion for their plight, especially on a national, patriotic-like holiday. But
alChandler is a bitter atheist. So instead I just scream, "You got what you wanted, happy now?"
July 4, 2008
I Just Can't Stand It
So, the car is back, the DVD player and receiver have been replaced and right on cue
the Tivo dies. This means that, for the moment, I have no television.
Better no television then no computer, I suppose. It's something I have to deal with
but there's no pressure on this one, it's just a pain in the ass.
July 3, 2008
Patrick Stewart Alphabet
It is what it is.
July 1, 2008
Diablo 3 Gameplay
Coming in 2009.
June 30, 2008
This Time
This time, alChandler and party may finish Neverwinter Nights 2. But for now, let
me give you some advice: tell your druid to stop conjuring badgers.
Badgers never help, and this one is shitting on my plate boots, that's why I'm looking away.
June 30, 2008
This Won't Happen Again Anytime Soon
June 30, 2008
George Carlin on Religion and One Other on George Carlin
June 29, 2008
It's Not My Fault
Yes, I'm fucking downloading Neverwinter Nights 2. Yes, I had the game,
yes I trashed it and now I'm downloading it from Atari.
It's Hasbro's fault. They put up a podcast which featured the Penny Arcade guys and Scott Kurtz of
PvP playing Dungeons and Dragons. It was to promote the release of the 4th edition rules. They
sounded like they were having a shitload of fun, I was still strung out over having finished Mass Effect
and the next thing I knew I was at the Atari site.
Really, there's no hope for me. Still, it will be interesting to see how the game looks at high resolutions.
June 27, 2008
STALKER Too Hardcore for American Gamers
Indeed.
I was zipping along the net when I followed a link to an article about S.T.A.L.K.E.R. the
first person shooter from GSC Game World. I played the game based on a strong recommendation from Shawn Elliot
of 1up. While I'm pleased that Mr. Elliot liked the game, I really disliked it.
It was insanely difficult and just wasn't fun, at least I didn't find the game fun. If you did, well good for you.
Back to the link. The Escapist had an article in which Oleg Yavorsky, GSC's public relations director, explains why
S.T.A.L.K.E.R. did so poorly in North America:
Those cultural differences extend in attitudes toward core gameplay, Yavorsky added, suggesting the Russian and eastern European markets are far more receptive to unforgiving, "hardcore" games than those in North America. "Big companies always want you to make your game as easy as possible, so that any really non-intellectual person can play it," he said. "They want all sorts of tutorials to guide the player through, and this is something we've always been very resistant to."
"In our market we're used to having cheap games," Yavorsky continued. "That means all our audience play a lot of games and hence they're really hardcore about them - they want really challenging games, and they don't need to be guided through with basic explanations like, 'This is your gun; this is how you move.'"
Well, I guess you told us.
I didn't stop playing S.T.A.L.K.E.R. because it was too hardcore, I stopped playing it because I wasn't having fun. I play games
to have fun and S.T.A.L.K.E.R. wasn't delivering any. Normally, I'd leave it at that but you see Mr. Yavorsky, I'll tolerate a lot of anti-American sentiment.
We're bullies, we're led by a buffoon, we have no coherent energy policy, the list just goes on and I'll cop to it all.
But by god, when you insult American gamers you insult me. Your game isn't hard core, it just sucks.
So there.
June 26, 2008
On Avram Davidson
There are authors that I can only read if I'm in the right mood. R.A. Lafferty is one. Avram Davidson
is another. This is my third attempt at Adventures in Unhistory. This time I think I got it nailed.
I know that I have a quirky, digressive way of thinking; it's been pointed out to me many times. Trust me, Davidson's the
guy who rambles. The journey takes tree times as long as it needs to but it's four times as interesting. But, as I said,
you have to be in the mood for that sort of thing.
And after car problems, air conditioning problems and saving the galaxy I think I am in the mood for that.
June 22, 2008
This has been a WHENPIGSFLY production.
Any questions or comments can be directed to kaliban13@comcast.net
Logo courtesy of Mrs. Silverman.