Madam X

A Death Requiem in Ten Parts

Is it better to want or to have her, you ask? In wanting her, she's everything you so desire.
In having her, she can only be what she is..........K.Burch (1996)

Part 1

He'd called her not more then an hour ago. She listened quietly and in her mind logged clearly, his request. She smiled and would from time to time whisper back. She could hear his excitement in his words and forced herself to keep from laughing. He repeated his demands once more and after blowing a kiss through the phone, made her promise to show up. She agreed, and hung up the phone. So brisk was the winter's night this evening and for reasons known all to well, perfect. The phone booth located just off the corner of Thomas and Pine avenue. had seen better days. She wiped off her finger prints and carefully placed the receiver back. Turning, she held out a hand for an oncoming cab and within minutes, was leaving the small city of Salem, Ohio.

She arrived at the house 45 minutes later and as instructed, walked quietly up the walkway to the large brown wooden door. The walkway was barely lit, save for a few lawn lights. She turned around to notice an upscale neighborhood with beautiful homes, all spaced apart. The streets were not paved in gold, but fresh tar and evenly sprayed white lines, told her that someone cared. The shrubs along side the walkway, remained green despite the fourth frost of a cold winter. There upon the door was taped a note. She glanced once more around before removing it. She opened the note to see only a poorly drawn heart in red ink, it's arrow uneven. She folded the note and stuck it in her pocket. She reached for the door and slowly turned the knob, it brass finish shining. As she walked quietly in the large guest room, she could see that the home was lit only by candles. After a final look behind her, she slowly closed the door, it's massive weight swung loosely upon it's brass hinges. She removed her shoes and set them aside. Placing her coat which she had folded on top of the shoes, she slowly and very quietly walked.

His instructions were quite clear, she'd always done as asked. Far be it for her to complain, times were too good this time of the year. The walk back to the bedroom seem to go on for miles. She walked pass a rather large kitchen with fancy cookware hanging from the ceiling. Just as he had said, the stairs leading upwards to a master bedroom, bigger then her apartment, was just ahead. More candles aligned the pathway and she could now begin to make out a sense of direction. Pictures hung steady upon wall papered walls, the images of family some here, some gone. She glanced at them quickly and pushed away any thoughts that tried to enter. After arriving upstairs, as per his orders, she began to remove her clothing. She paused for a moment then after looking over the stairs, lifted her skirt and began to role down her stockings. She unzipped the backing of her black skirt and removed it. A lavender blouse with black spotted streaks, came off next. Standing still and taking a deep breathe, she removed her bra and panties. She piled the items on top of each other and heading towards the master bedroom carrying only her pocket book. He wanted to see her walking with it and she had promised.

The master bedroom looked warm and inviting. Four large candles one in each corner, lit the room nicely and allowed for only shadows to be seen. She spoke nothing as instructed and walked slowly towards the bed to where he laid nude and still. She could see his eyes dancing up and down her body and watched as he began touching himself with excitement. She moved forward and then back in an attempt to tease him. To this his eyes widen and she could now see him moving from side to side, his jerking motion pacing. She sat down in a chair he'd placed just in front of the bed and after sitting down the black pocket book, opened her legs to allow him a view of what she was. Her light browned complexion when viewed under the amber light of candles, gave her a golden hue that could only come from a Goddess. Her soft full patch of pubic hair almost glistened. She could see his eyes more clearly now, still dancing and now darting. He was trying to take in every inch of her at once. Without so much as a sound, she stood from the chair and after slowly settling to her knees, crawled towards him. She never once look away, her eyes remained fixed upon the face of a man just touching his fifties. She could see both the overwhelming power of lust carved into a face of sadness.

She reached up to touch him and could see that despite his years, he appeared to be shaking as a young man experiencing his first sexual encounter. She took his member into her mouth and began very slowly kissing it. Each time she did so, she could hear him almost crying inside. The light inside the room continued to dance their shadows upon the wall behind her. She looked up at him to see that he'd closed his eyes and was now relaxing. She continued kissing it and was beginning to work it in her mouth, when a boyish moan came from a closed mouth. Her warm and wet mouth began coating him as she slid it in and out. She could now see him clutching a pillow that he had managed to pull from the other side of the king sized bed. Still on her knees, she could feel him stiffening. He began crying out a series of moans and senseless words, as she quicken her pace. A few cries of "Oh God" and "Jesus help me" came pouring out. his body began a short series of spasms and jerked twice before she removed herself from him and jerking quickly, allowed him the joy of watching himself spray his chest and shoulders.

She sat there, still stroking him slowly as his heart rate slowed. A thin layer of sweat had coated his medium build. His eyes remained closed and she could see the his lust had settled, pushed back into that place were men keep it until the next time. She waited for a moment and then slowly stepped back to her chair by her pocket book. She could see him still resting and wondered but only for a moment, what he was thinking. How had he arrived to this? She wondered. Had everything in his life been complete, besides this? She shook these thoughts from her mind and opened quietly the pocket book. Inside atop condoms and latex gloves, was one red city brick. Looking back once more to a sex partner now on the verge of snoring, she removed in and after hold it high, brought it down with a force that quickly cracked his skull. He tried to yell out, tried to scream but found the good life he had once owned, slipping away. Was it six or ten times she hit him? She wasn't sure, wasn't really counting but from some strange reason she seemed almost pissed at herself for not doing so. Returning the bloody brick to her pocket book, she stood up and after blowing out the candles, walked out of the room and into the hallway where she spotted a bathroom. She walked in and cleaned herself, taking time to remove the blood from under her nails, and the few spots from her face. She carefully dressed herself and after catching a glimpse of herself in the mirror, smiled. The late night evening brought with it a promise of snow, she could almost smell it in the air.

                                 "mommy, please make him stop!"

So much her mother's smile she had as she walked off to school. Dressed in such a pretty yellow dress, she looked as bright as the sun. She remembers skipping along the way and avoiding the puddles of mud from the rain the night before. Her best friend Sammy, who lived only a few doors down in a suburban apartment complex, had sometimes dressed alike. The two would often be confused as sisters and had spent a lot of time together. On this the 22nd day of May 1969, little Dena Richardson had skipped her way to the Carl's Corner store. Her mother needed some sugar and a pack of butter, much needed items for a birthday cake for Dena's brother Dennis. Dennis had trailed her by two years, which made him the baby of the family. Dena enjoyed being a big sister and often waved her fist at boys, trying to make fun of her brother. Dennis had been born premature, resulting in a slight size difference from other boys his age. Dena cared very little about this. She loved Dennis so much and would spend hours reading to him. He loved to sit on her bed and watch his sister read. He like the way her head rocked from side to side as she tried to pronounce long and drawn out words. Two full grades ahead of him, made her seem more like a teacher, then a sister.

Eric T. Richardson, was a native to Salem. He had married Janet Thomas and the two had Dena shortly afterwards. The marriage had only begun and while the two were well into making plains for a bright future together, a drunk driver traveling down route 130 South one late night, would end it all. Eric Richardson was returning home late one night, where he worked selling steam cleaning machines. One quiet lonely road with few lights and a twisting turn, would be all that he would remember. Ryan Watts after finishing his daily run of shots at a local bar, climbed behind the wheel of a brand new 1970 Ford Firebird. The oncoming lights of a Firebird forced him to turn left instead of right, poor Eric Richardson would spend the final minutes of his life screaming in pain.

With a two year old daughter, and a child on the way. Janet Richardson struggled to support her family. With very little to go on and most of the insurance money from Eric's death spent. She ventured out and tried to hold a second job. Her mother moved in and tried to help baby sit, giving Janet a chance to relax. It worked out for about a year, but Janet found herself unable to continue alone. She met and fell in love with a man named Tyrone Evans. He was five years younger then she, but seems willing to work and to help raise her family as his own. It was here, that the trouble would begin.

With very little memory of her real father, Dena embraced the welcoming arms of Tyrone Evans. For a few years, life seemed rather fine. He worked with her and helped through her homework assignments. The two looked rather natural sitting on the living room  floor one afternoon, coloring from her books. Janet had continued working odd jobs trying to make ends meet. The extra pull from Tyrone helped. He was what many would say, a man trying very hard to be good.  

On the outskirts of Salem in the small town of Medford, local authorities were gathering evidence from a crime scene in the master bedroom of a man named William Glesson. His head had been bashed in with a blunt object and blood seemed to be everywhere. Darren Waters headed Homicide division had counted this as the fourth victim who'd fallen to such a horrific death. "What do you think the MO was, money?" said one officer at the scene. "Can't be" Waters replied. "Why not, this guy looked like he had big bucks?" Darren Waters looked at the young officer, he could see his name and badge number. Roles, Adam Roles 228972. "Well Mr. Roles" he said. "This guy may of had big bucks, might even had owned a small business somewhere, but if you'd taken an extra moment to look around, you would have noticed his clothing neatly folded over that chair contain not only his wallet, but some $1500.00 in new hundreds, untouched." Waters walked away from the young officer, he had other things upon which to consider, retraining a new young officer in the field, was not one of them.  

Dena Richardson, turned slowly on her side, wincing a little in doing so. Another night of dreams and nightmares had once again plagued her. She sat up from a bed over looking a small but neatly placed apartment. She listened as the clicking sound of an old handmade clock which hung from the kitchen  wall, hammered through time. Rubbing her eyes and turning over once more, she forced herself back into a world all too familiar.

Saturday morning's breakfast was always the same. Dena's mom made eggs and pancakes. She and her brother Dennis would fight over the syrup and Tyrone would tell them both to "stop it" and share. He often looked at her brother Dennis as if he were an idiot of sorts. Once while they were a playing out front on the lawn, Dennis had tripped and scrapped his knee on the sidewalk. He jumped up running and crying, Dena could see a small scraping of blood brush stroked on the sidewalk. Dennis ran into the house to be greeted by a mother's concern and comfort. Tyrone however, view the situation differently. He found Dennis's behavior far too sissy like for his taste. There had been moments, not too many where Tyrone would have his chance to strike back.

                                                          1974

With the Oakland A's in the World Series, life in the Richardson's home would find itself
in a form of turmoil more crazier then any call the umpire behind the plate, could make. Dena had come home from school to find Dennis sitting on the front porch, crying. the right side of his round face was red and she'd seen that he'd been touching it. She dropped her books and ran over to him, first wanting to scream then controlling herself. "Who did this to you?" she said. He looked up at her and then blink a couple of times, a set of tears rolled slowly down his face as he looked away. "Do you hear me talking to you Dennis?" she said. She tried not to raise her voice, but was more frighten then she wanted him to know. "yea, I hear you" he finally said. He was still looking away and now down on the ground. A little black beetle gathering food had attracted his attention and gave him somewhere to turn. "I'm waiting mister." she said.

"Daddy did it okay?" he said and starting crying once more. "Daddy?" she asked. "Dennis Allen Richardson, how many times do I have to tell you, he's not our father?" He's mom's boyfriend and he never helped in bringing you or me, into this world." She walked over to him and placed her hand under his chin. Lifting up, she raised his head, turning it in her direction. "Listen to me buster" she said. "Our father is gone, he's not here anymore. All we have is each other, and I love you." She reached over and kissed him on his forehead. "But mom said we should call him...." "Shhhh.... she said. "This is one time, I want you to listen to me." she replied. And held her brother close.
 
 

The telephone's ringing had not only broke the dream, but returned her to a morning of record temperatures. This year's Winter had seemed to be the worst this area had seen in over 50 years. She gathered the covers which had found themselves collecting along side the bed and wrapped herself with them. The eighth ring triggered the answering machine. "Hi this is Dena, please leave a message....beep" "Hi D, it's me give me a call, sorry about last week. Give me a chance to make it up okay? I promise I'll do better, come on, it's not the end of the world you know....hope to hear from you.......David."

She turned over, adjusting herself beneath the newly tossed and getting warm blankets, she thought about David, in her mind flashed images of his face and the first time she saw him. She thought of their first date and even their first kiss. She felt herself slipping into the memory of their first love making, here she began pushing back and pushing away. She closed her eyes and began counting, by the time she reached 78, she'd fallen back to sleep. The thumbing sound of the morning newspaper hitting her front door, would go un-noticed.

                                                         Summer '76

Janet Richardson had found work in a local grocery store. She had been working long hours trying to meet the rent needed to comfortable suite her family. The mean heat of the Summer had taken it's toll on her relationship with Tyrone and soon afterwards came the arguments. Tyrone had been spending more time away then home. He'd suddenly found other interest that took from his duties as step parent. Dennis and he, had grown even further apart as Tyrone had all but given up on the young boy. Dena however, would never. Dena found the evening's nights long and drawn out. She tried so much to keep her faith of things getting better. She was growing into a very young lady now, and could now feel her body changing. The boys in her class, began taking notice of her in a way she'd not felt before. She began to feel, uneasy in their stares. It wasn't so much the things they said, although one could complain about that quiet easily. It more importantly, was they way they looked at her. She began to notice her chest changing and beginning to plump. Her legs, always longer then the rest of her, seem to stretch even longer. It seemed as if overnight, she could see hair growing upon her special place, that her mother called it.

Dennis came running into her bedroom one morning to find her sitting on her bed naked. She remembered him stopping almost suddenly and the way he's eyes remained fix upon her. She remembered the way his eyes almost danced, showing excitement and then shame. "Close the door silly!" she remembered shouting, while reaching for her blouse. He turned and with head down, quickly ran back out of the room. She sat there for a minute or two thinking of the way he looked at her. Flashbacks of the boys at school faces remained fixed in her mind. She walked over and locked her door, then walked towards the mirror which while not very large, gave an almost full image of a young and very attractive girl. She stood in it's view and slowly observed herself.  After awhile she turned and began smiling at her image, the very site of it, almost funny.

Picking up her blouse, she placed it around herself and pretended to be dancing. She imagined that a sweet and young handsome prince had come to her. He'd commanded his Army to stand just outside the gates of her castle. The prince would come to her and only after asking her father for permission, take her away to where she would love and marry him. He would always be there for her and always ready to protect. She imagined the look on which her father's face would pride be, and smiled as she waved goodbye, tears of joy streaming down her face. Another knock at the door, would snap her back into a world of the real. Tyrone had asked if everything was okay and had told her to come eat, his voice colder then ever. She could hear him now not quite yelling, but still ordering Dennis around. "Sit down boy!" she heard him say, "Eat first, then you can go back out" he continued. "Damn, all that eating and your ass is still skinny, boy where do you put it?" he added. She listened closely waiting to her Dennis's response. She heard nothing, it's as if Dennis paid the remark no mind.

Saturday's morning cartoons would have to wait, there was simply too much work around the house to do. Dena's mother would spend most of the weekends, sleeping in late. Some mornings, she could hear her mother and Tyrone fighting in their bedroom. Dennis too could no doubt hear them, but again seem to pay very little attention. One morning, Dena had been awaken to the sounds of fighting. She could hear her mother yelling back. Soon the shouting stopped, a minute of absolute quiet was broken by the all too familiar sounds of pushing and hitting. She should have closed her eyes and maybe held her hands to young ears in hopes, of blocking out the reality of adult life. She could have done so, had the will, but not the desire. Dena listened and listened closely as she promised herself never to live a life so unfair and cruel.

She sat on her bed and listened as the two adults in charge of both she and Dennis, carried on like wild animals. She could hear her mother shouting and then crying, as she yelled out and back names. Dena continued rocking back and forth holding her favorite pillow with a spotted design. She once again imagined her life away, far away from this place. So much had found it's way to her, and oddly enough, this would only be the beginning.
 
 

Part 2
 

Fourteen floors had separated her from Charles Hodgers. Not much was known of him by her, except that he only wanted his women clean, no drugs. He's known for paying very good but also known for his surprises. As the elevator made it's way up, She thought about David and his phone call. "How dare he, make my life so crazy, fuck him." she thought. The chime of the elevator's control panel, told her it was time to go to work.

The Holiday Inn in Cleveland Ohio's uptown district, was a hiding place for those looking to express themselves sexually. So many of the area's well to do's had frequent the somewhat hiding place. Businesses outside the hotel did rather nicely as well. The floor of the hotel was recently polished and she glanced down, only to pick up her reflection as she walked. Room 1422 was just ahead. Walking towards the room, she reached for the electronic key card given to her at the lobby.

As she opened the door, she could see the well placed furniture and open space to where
a couch had been pushed aside. Music played softly as the crackle of a fire place added a
soft touch and sound. She walked over and peeked her head down the hall to one of the rooms. While not a penthouse suite, the room still had a touch of class to it. "Not bad for a Holiday Inn." she thought. "Hello, anyone home?" she said, still looking around. "Back here." she heard a male voice say. As she started walking towards the back room, she could hear giggling coming from the room. The sound out front had begun to fade out as a all together sound of laughter and sexual remarks, took over. Turning the corner, and now facing the door leading into the room, she could now see what all the giggling was about. Charles had decided to double his fun this evening, by including another girl.

"Hey baby!" he said. "I want you to meet Jenny, she's here for a little fun too. Please don't let us down." he continued. The woman now in his arms was a white blonde. She could see her brown roots in her hair and knew she was a fake. But what did Charles care, she thought. Just another aging man looking to get off, she thought. "Oh Charles!" the woman said. "She's so cute, come on baby, let's party together." Charles had most of his clothes off, save for a pair of boxers. He was trying to hold up the blonde and suck at her nipples at the same time. The blonde, was having more fun in teasing him then giving in. "They should have told you, I work alone." she said. To this the two of them stopped and looked to each other, then to her and burst out laughing. Charles was still trying to suck her nipple. "Oh come now baby." he said. We don't need to glow green, there's plenty of ole Charlie here to go around." The blonde upon hearing this again burst out laughing as she now allowed Charles a treat of her breast. She grabbed at his balls and began jerking him a little before letting go, the two again starting laughing.

"Well, it looks as if you two are doing just fine without me, what do you say Charlie dear, we try this another time?" He stopped laughing long enough to give her a straight look. The blonde had now fallen backwards onto the bed and while still holding the drink in her hand, almost hit her head on the back board, more laughter, more giggling quickly followed. Charles had managed his way over to where she stood, still somewhat in the doorway. She could smell the Gin on his breathe, held behind a set of very nice dentures. "Look here, he said. "I'm trying to have some fun baby, I like her very much, but I happen to like you better. Do me this favor, I'll be good and I'll tell you what. I'll add a little something extra okay, come on baby?" He had now stood directly in front of her and after finishing his cheap speech, was now working his hand up between her legs and was now rubbing at her pussy. The blonde, after seeing this had come over and joined in. She was now kissing and licking him along his face and had only now unfastened her bra to a set of young double D breast. Charlie upon seeing them, reached over and grabbed them, putting his face between them and closing them around his head.

Jenny the blonde, had made her way over to where Charlie's night robe had been tossed over the chair. She picked it up and draped it over her and removed her panties. "Oh Charlie, I have this nasty little itch I need scratch, would you be a gentleman and help a young lady out?" she said this in one breath and fought  hard to keep a straight face. "Well baby, you know Charlie always willing, all you ever have to do is ask." he replied.
The two of them engaged in a ritual of oral sex, to which Dena upon watching, began removing her clothes as well. She walked over naked and joined them. The three all embraced in hugs and kisses, followed by a lot of licking and sucking. A good lover, knows when to allow the man to lead, a perfect lover never follows. She could see the girl was good, not great, but not all that bad either. She watched her try to show some self control, but could easily see, she was losing it. It wasn't so much that Charles was much to handle, it's just that Miss Blonde was making far too many mistakes. Allowing too much to a man, is always a bad thing, even in practice.

"Your getting into it too much honey." she thought to herself as she held the blonde close. She could feel her cumin, and touched her thighs to hold them still. Charlie was having the time of his life, a half limp dick, and a belly full of Jack Daniels, promised him a night to remember. With Jenny now on her back and spread wide, He placed himself between her. Dena could now see him struggling to get hard. She reached down and tugged at his balls and slowly stroked him back and forth, the hint of sweet perfume and sweat, rushed up to greet her. "Oh shit baby, help me baby, that's it, get me hard honey, get me hard." Dena reached over and blew in his ear. She could feel him trying so hard and it almost pushed her to anger. "Oh daddy, don't keep me waiting." Jenny said and shifted her ass in a inviting way to excite him. "Nice touch bitch", Dena said to herself and looked down to see the Charlie had advanced to full erection. She leaned back allowing him to enter the dizzy blonde and watched as the two went to town. Touching herself and rubbing her clit to stay moist, she waited for her turn. Charles Hodgers looked to be maybe in his mid fifties. Past his prime, he seem to be in much better health then most.

Dena, feeling that Jenny had had her share, shifted her to the side and while now sucking her breast, invited Charlie inside her. She could see him excited beyond control, his mind filled with all the little dirty wonders of the world. She closed her eyes as he entered her, and thought of somewhere else. "Damn, oh shit baby. You've got some good pussy, damn you've got good pussy." he repeated. Jenny was still excited, and now rubbing her own pussy and from time to time touching her nipples. She leaned over and kissed Dena in the mouth and in that very instant, almost lost a tongue. She could feel Charlie's sweat dripping on her chest as he had his way with her. Jenny had made her way closer to Dena and was now licking her breast and navel. Dena switched from Jenny to Charlie, then back to Jenny, as the two of them lost deeply in their own version of what was happening, tried to make the best of it. "I want more!" he said, almost shouting. He pulled out of her and leaned back on the bed,  his member standing straight. "Oh my god, baby, shit me." He shook the sweat from his face and held back his head. Jenny stood up on the bed and welcomed her pussy to his face. "Guess my weight, baby?" she said and now her laugh had settled down, no longer silly was it, she was learning. Dena could tell Jenny had cummed at least twice, women knew this somehow.

Dena watched him lap at the blonde, like a dog in heat. She never really been with a woman so to speak, she had come close once or twice before. But the matters were solely for the business. She'd never found a women exciting in that way. As she watched Jenny wiggle her ass in Charlie's face, she had to admit, there was something strange in it's feeling of it. While, as far as she could tell, she wasn't getting any more excited, but she found that she oddly enough, liked watching it. "Oh that's it daddy." Jenny said. "You like my pussy, huh, you like Jenny's pussy don't you?" Charlie said nothing, but Dena could see him moving his head in agreement.

"Let's go outside, he said. "Come my babies, let's go outside." he was now jerking himself silly. "Oh daddy, it too cold outside, Jenny said. "Let's stay here and fuck, okay baby, right here." His manner changed a little, and now seemed even more demanding. "Fuck that!" he said. "I'm paying you bitches good money, a nice sum too, I want a good fuck for my money, and I was it outside!" He grabbed Jenny by the arm, and dragged her out onto the balcony over looking a crisp night sky. A small chair made of padded leather sat alone. Dena could feel the cold rush of air cut through a warm hotel room. "Come on baby, he said. "You too, I want you both, right now!"

He sat down on the cold leather of the chair and opened his legs, his dick had quickly returned to it's limp state. Jenny now shaking from a near 35 degree temperature, rushed to get him off. "Come on daddy, get off for Jenny baby, get off for me." she was saying. Her naked body against the night air, quickly lost it's luster. She seemed nervous now and Dena could see her wanting this to end. Dena walked over and together they took turns sucking him and licking his balls as he held himself to help. A few minutes later, he had regained his erection and had held Jenny against the guarding post, spread eagle. Dena could see him humping hard against the cold night air and a burst of uncontrolled lust. "Take it bitch!" he said. "Your going to take this dick, and take it now!" He was shouting, almost barking out his commands, as he continued pushing himself inside her. "Cum daddy, please cum for Jenny!" she said. Dena now joined in the chanting and tried to cheer him on. She reached over once more and only after sticking her tongue in his ear, she whispered the words...."Good-bye"

A minute later, she too would almost wonder why. She would try to make some sense of what happened, but in the end would not be able. She would later question from where it came from, and how she did it, but would never ask why. Two humans locked into a position of sex upon a balcony in the brisk cold air, would find that in an instant, their bodies lifted and then pushed in one full motion. On the way down, the screams of lust would very quickly be replaced, by those of fright and horror. The reason for it all, would still be standing and now looking down on the them, from above. So ends Charlie's ride.
 
 

                                          Please, help me

"Dennis, how many times to I have to tell you that money doesn't grow on trees." She remember hearing those very same words, over and over for most of her young life. Mother had tried, oh how she tried. But in the end, she hadn't tried hard enough. Too much of her own life was slipping through her very fingers faster then she had time to notice. Yes the world had dealt a nasty blow, yes people in general, didn't give a shit. And despite what some at the time wanted to believe "There still wasn't any Santa Clause, and there never would be." Dena found herself folding clothes for she and her brother. Mom had gone to work and Dennis was in his room sick. Nothing serious, just another one of his monthly stomach viruses. Tyrone had come home early and had now been drinking.

From time to time, the washing machine would thump. The clothes set to one side would do this. Tyrone had the sound it made, so when it did so, he yelled out to Dena. "Girl!, get you ass in there and stop that sound, you know I hate it when it does that!" he continued. "Okay, okay" she said running to the back room. She caught the machine in time before the fifth thump, and sat down next to the dryer. A basket full of clean but unfolded clothes awaited her. She decided to start with Dennis's clothes first. She seemed most concerned about him, all the time. Folding some of his shirts, she sometimes smiled at how he was growing. Often she'd find older pants of his, with the knees torn out. She was starting in on the colored items when she looked up to see Tyrone standing in the doorway. She jumped a little, and he saw this and smiled. "What's the matter with you girl?" Scared of your own shadow, I bet." he said. "No, I just didn't see you standing there and my mind was off somewhere else." she replied.

"Well, I'm sorry if I yelled at you, about the noise and all. It's just that, that noise drives me crazy, feels like the whole house is coming apart." he continued. She said nothing, and returned her attention to a set of Dennis's pajamas. She looked up at him once more to find him staring at her. He stood there with a frozen grin on his face that made her feel uneasy. "You know how much I love you and Dennis, don't you?" he said. "Yes, I guess I do." she replied. "Well, you should know that I wouldn't let anyone hurt you or your mom, you know that much don't you?" he said. "Yes, I do" she answered. "I just wanted you to know that, sometimes life can make a person very crazy, like making them do things that don't really want to do. And sometimes, it takes something even crazier to allow them to see that. Do you understand?" he said.

She had placed all of Dennis's clothes in his blue basket and sat back down. Without knowing it, her T-shirt had caught itself on the shelf by the dryer. It snagged and pulled at her as she tried to unhook it. Tyrone had stood watching. She sat down again and was about to start in on her mother's clothes, when she looked up and back at him. Maybe it was at this exact moment or maybe a little time later, but sometime around then, she would remember the look in his eyes. That gleam of constant stare and the way his eyes sort of jumped around. He would never know it, but it would be that very time that he would burn the very soul of a girl so young. "He's looking at me, he's looking at me the way they do, the boys at school." she thought.

She returned her attention to her mother's clothes, still folding, only no longer smiling. In that back room, a small cough was heard.
                                                              

Part 3
 

"Hello, I'm not in at the moment so please leave your name and message and I promise to return your call, as soon as possible.".........Beep!

"Oh your very funny Dena, I know your there, I saw you go into the apartment building sweetheart. Stop fucking around with me and pick up the phone! Come on D, stop playing damn it! Pick up the fucking phone!....Dena?......Dena....oh come on.....fuck you then bitch!"
.....click!
 

The steam of a hot shower, failed to cover up the images of a life torn in half and scattered
into pieces before you. There was nothing anyone could do to repair that kind of damage. This world had all kinds of doctors, ones to fix just about anything except lost souls. There comes a point where one just shuts down, turns off the valve that controls emotions and switches on some different, something crazy and mostly wrong.

There was a knock at the door of Dena's apartment. She'd just finished applying the final touches of eye liner and was just about blot her lips, when she answered. She opened the door to find a small but very cute stuffed teddy bear, sitting on the floor. He was looking up at her with the biggest brown eyes she'd every seen. There was a note attached to his collar. She picked up the bear looking around and closed the door. The bear had not only been ever so cute, but someone had sprayed cologne on his furry form. "Of all the men I've been with, only one wears "Thrust" she thought, only one. "Damn you David, let it go".

Sounds of car being driven and a few horns, were signs of the small town's evening. She packed a few things and headed out. Her new found furry little friend would have to spend his first night, alone.

She'd been walking the streets for three hours, nothing. A slow night if she'd ever seen one.
She decided to step into "Kandy's " a small coffee shop, opened 24 hours a day to serve you, the sign said. It was getting late and it seemed like a lost night. "Well, there's always that warm bed at home, should I give in." she said to herself. Even Kandy's was slow tonight, it appears everyone had taken the night off. Dena walked over and sat down. She removed her high heels with rubber soles, and leaned back against the hard plastic bench. "What ya having baby" a voice said. She looked up in time to see a young girl not more then twenty asking her. She could see the girl had been new to these parts. Her skinny frame and cheap jewelry had all but given her away. Dena could see her name tag read "Lisa" but would have bet anything, it wasn't her real name. Young people on the run from lives too unbearable, always changed their name first. It somehow gave them a chance to begin again, to somehow start anew and hopes of forgetting.

"Large black coffee, absolutely no sugar and a plain donut." she said, and stared out the window. "Will that be all?" the young girl asked. Dena returned her attention once again to the young face. There were a lot of things she wanted to say. She could have gone on for hours telling this kid to forget about her attempts to run away. She wanted to tell her that she was wrong, that the world didn't owe her shit and if she had any sense at all in that young head of hers, she'd call her mother right now and ask her to come get her. Dena could see in only seconds that there was trouble back home, but not enough for her to do what she was doing. "No, she said. "That will be all, for now." and returned her attention to the large glass window. Sitting crossed leg and very proper, Dena sat quietly and sipped her coffee. A few passerby's winked as they walked. One even whispered the words "Marry me for a day" and smiled. Dena continued sipping and didn't bother to respond. "Small fry" she thought, "Not even worth the blow" to this she smiled to herself and took another bite of her donut.

1:16am

She'd all but given up on an evening filled with cold air and no customers. Thinking about returning home, she heard a car's horn from behind. Bright lights made it almost had to see the taxi light and it's "out of service" sign. She held up her right hand to shield off some of the light. It was then that the driver lowered his high beams and pulled along side the street. He leaned over and rolled down his passenger side window. She stood looking in both directions, before leaning down to see what he wanted. "Hey lady, a little cold out here, isn't it?" she could see he was in his late forties, in bad health and more then likely married to a woman, who'd long given up on having sex with him. Maybe it was the way he tried to cheat father time with that gray color wash shit, in his hair. Maybe it's because men tend to think they still have it long after the world has disagreed. "yea, I guess it is a bit cold out here, I was thinking about going inside where it's warm, want to come?" she said. He sat back in his driver's seat, and slowly looked around. She could see the rusty wheels of a dirty mind, trying to turn. "Well, sure lady. I'd like that, like that a lot." he said and clicked the rear side door, open.

She stepped inside and could see, he was a real slob. Most taxi drivers tend to make the ride as comfortable as possible for the riders. Not so here, Bob Porter age 47 according to his taxi driver ID. had done very little besides sit his fat ass behind that steering wheel and talk about anything under the sun, until reaching his destination. She noticed an old pearl cross, hanging from his mirror. "So baby, where shall we go?" he said. "You just tell Bobby here, where and leave the driving to me." he continued.  "Why don't we get away, and head out of town Bob, I'm a little sick of this city tonight." she replied. "I can understand that baby, I've been driving this here city for almost 3 years, and to tell you the truth, I'm kinda sick of it myself. Let's take the Beltway off of Truce Ave. it'll give us sometime to chat, is that okay baby?" he said.  She was again staring out the window and although her thoughts were else where, she answered him correctly. There were very few things a woman could say wrong to a man with a hard on, besides "No". "Yea sure, that'll be fine honey." she said. "But slow down a bit, I want to enjoy the heat."

He laughed out loud and she could hear a set of bad lungs working overtime, coughing to himself. "Mind if I lean back and take a nap?" she asked. "Sure honey." he replied. "Get< as much rest as you need, this way we're sure to have some fun." and he started up that laugh that after hearing it twice now, was wearing thin.

2:26am

She'd awaken from a quick nap to notice the city far behind. Old Bob had been a good boy. Did as he was told. "Rise and shine sweetheart!" he said. She could see him looking in the rearview mirror and flashing her his best smile. He need some work and lots of it, she thought. But that's not my problem, it's his. "What do you say I pull over and we get a little closer honey? would that be fine with you?" he asked. They had come to a quiet road and just behind a row of homes, she could make out a highway, cars were speeding by.

2:38am

"Yea, this will be a good spot honey." she said. "We're far enough from you home life baby, Dena's going to make you happy, and you won't have to worry about someone seeing you." He smiled that lustful smile that men do when they think they're getting away with something, that dirty little mind again, working away. Little boys with dirty minds, become big boys with dirty little minds, she thought. "So tell me baby."  she said. "How do you want it?" Bob was very nervous, although the two were in his cab and pulled over to the side of a dark road and far from a wife he'd long grown tired of, he was still nervous.

2:51am

She'd whispered in his right ear, that he was about to have the best time in his life. She told him that he'd done right by her and driving her away from the city. She'd asked him what he most wanted in sex, and asked that he allowed her the chance to please him. She began kissing him on his neck and while he sat still, she reached from over the back seat and with one hand, unbuttoned his pants. She could hear his breathing deepen and noticed the windows, steaming. "Tell me Bobby." she asked. "Tell Dena what you want most." He slid his pants down and she could hear a second set of keys hit the floor. "Please baby." he said. "Please make it good for me." he asked. Gone was his boyish laugh, no need to act like a man, when a woman's in charge, she thought.

She removed her panties and allowed him to smell them. So much an animal he was. sniffing like a dog in heat. "Oh baby, that's so nice." he said. "You like that, don't you? she said, and leaned back. Bob had closed his eyes and had now shifted himself longways across the front seat. With pants to his ankles, and a pair of old walking shoes he waited. Sitting back in her seat, she removed a condom and opened the package. Leaning over the backseat, she could see Bob waiting, his right shoe had come off, and a size nine foot was leaning from side to side. "Still the little Bobby, you are" she said to herself.

3:05am

Fully erect, Bob Porter was enjoying his nasty little adventure. Dena had promise him a good time, far be it for her to let him down. She held him tightly, stroking and sucking hard and he humped her mouth. She could hear him pushing air of excitement while trying to remain focused. "Oh yea, baby that's it, that's it" he said and had now reached up and grabbed her head, forcing it down on himself and begging her to go deeper. She could taste the latex in the back of her mouth, and tried to compress the urge to cough. "Take it bitch!" he was now say, take all of Bob, big Bob, come on.!  She came up for air and continued stroking him only to hear his voice get louder. "Come on, what are you doing, I'm so ready baby, so fucking ready!" he said. "Relax Bobby, Dena's going to get you off, don't you trust me?" she asked. His face was red with lust and his sweat had replace the scent of cigarettes. She could see the desire to cum plastered across his face.

3:10am

Bob Porter had popped his cork without using his right hand for the first time in years. He'd filled the rubber with lust fluid and even scream out a little in doing so. The taxi cab had been rocking a little from the start, and had at that moment, maybe even jumped. She had reached over to kiss his forehead when he slapped his hand up, pushing her away. "No, what the fuck are you doing?" he asked. "I don't want that, just get me off and all." "I've got a wife at home, for that shit." he continued. "How much do I owe you, and where can I drop you off." he asked. "That'll be a hundred for the blow, and you pay the meter." she replied. "One hundred dollars for a blow job?" Bitch you must be crazy, I don't pay anymore then 20 bucks!" he responded. "Twenty dollars, my ass baby." she said. "You haven't cum that good in years, filled the cup fucker." she added.

Lustful eyes had turned red with rage, as he yelled at her, telling her to get out of his cab. "All right," she said. Calm down baby, tell you what, why don't I get you off again." You'd like that wouldn't you, come on Bobby. don't be mean, give a girl a chance to make up. Didn't we have a nice time coming out here.?" She could see the way he looked at her, that joyful look of control that men feel they need. She could see his pressure going down as well, his voice less fury. "Okay look, I guess I'm sorry too." he said. "I got a little carried away is all." "But I don't pay that much, I just won't" he added.

"Look baby, it's okay. I should have told you before hand. I just thought you knew is all" she said. "Tell you what, since you were nice enough to bring me out here, let's make it twenty-five and you pay the fare back...deal?" She could see him thinking and waited for his answer. "Yea, deal but you still owe me a get off and I want it now, okay, tonight?" "Of course Bobby, we can go again, just for you."

3:32am

Dena had worked Bob Porter into another full erection and had him sitting up and behind the wheel. Still behind the backseat she kissed him along side his neck while jerking him. Four minutes later, he came again, not as much, but she'd bet everything it felt just as good. She leaned back in the seat and asked for her panties back. Bob, reached over and tossed them back to her, but not before one last sniff. Shifting his pants back up, he started the car and waited for it to warm up. She had no idea where his mind had gone, and didn't really care. From inside her pocketbook of tricks, she removed a large plastic wire tie. Carefully she reached one last time from the back seat to whisper "Thank you" in his ear. To this he smiled with pride. Seconds later, Bob Porter would find himself struggling to breathe as a wire tie had now made it's way around his neck. She had pulled it only once, and once was all that was needed as he tried to break free from the plastic grasp. She could see him kicking and struggling, trying to remove it and he forced himself to breathe. She sat back in the car and gave him another 30 seconds before removing a small can of lighter fluid and dowse him with it. He kept kicking and trying to scream with eyes of fright and horror. He would be forced to watch in panic as the reality came rushing up to greet him.

She pushed him aside and reached up to unlock herself from the back seat. One more glance at Bob Porter would be all she'd make before flicking the lighter into the front seat. "So long, Bobby boy" she said, and took the long walk to the nearest bus station. Three hours later,  Mrs. Audrey Porter would receive the worst news of her life, Bobby's never coming home again.
 
 
 

Part 4
 

Fixed eyes of wonder, looked up at a blue sky covering a world filled with hatred. Why is it so hard to find love in a sky so blue? she thought, and drifted back to sleep.

                                                 Fall 1976

Dena had finished tucking Dennis into bed and was just about to take a bath, when Tyrone called her. He had that slurring sound in his voice, she hated when he sound like this. "Where's your mother?" he asked. "She hasn't come home yet" she answered. Tyrone had that thousand yard stare that always made Dena feel a bit uneasy, like walking on a street of glass. He's been drinking again she thought, and carefully walked towards the back of the apartment where he and her mother shared a bedroom. As she walked, a gripping form a fear seem to come from nowhere. She'd never felt it before, but didn't care for the way it made her legs weak. It was as if her body had became so heavy in such a short time. She could hear him call her once more, his voice strong and now demanding.

Sure enough, upon entering the bedroom she saw that he was drunk. He'd been sitting on the edge of the bed with both legs on the floor. His head was moving ever so slightly and he had been looking down, as she walked in. "Hey D." he said. His voice all but quiet now, as he tried to sound welcoming. She could smell the combination of alcohol and cigarettes, on both he and in the room. "You wanted me for something?" she asked. As he looked up, he could see her still standing in the doorway, a touch of fear glistened in her eyes. He tried to focus himself and gather as much information from her expression, as he could without letting her know. Tyrone had always tried his use of head games on people, most of the time it worked, most of the time.

"Where's your mother D, has she started dinner?" Dena shifted from one leg to the other, a sigh escaped her. "No, she's not home yet, she's still at work and I was thinking about starting dinner." She surprised herself at the phrase that had just popped out of her mouth. It wasn't so much she didn't know how to cook, she'd watched her mother many times before, it's just that she hadn't expected to be ready to try it on her own until now. "What girl!" he said. he had come to life just a little and even flashed her a little smile. "You mean to tell me that your all grown up now and learning to cook?" "Well, I learning a few things." she said. "Mom showed me how to boil rice without burning it, and I know how to put chicken in the oven and turn it on." she added.

"Speaking of chicken, are you too chicken enough to come here and sit next to me?" he asked. He had pat the side of the bed next to him and was now motioning her to come. Dena looked behind her as if to check for her mother or maybe Dennis. Mom wasn't due home for another two hours, and Dennis had always been a deep sleeper. She walked slowly over and sat down next to him. He could see she was tense and not very comfortable with his request. Through a layer of confusion caused by drugs and over drinking, Tyrone saw not a young girl 10 years of age, but a young woman, prime and oh so very beautiful. She sat next to him and the two talked about school, more she then he. "Now, let me ask you a question young lady, your not afraid of me are you?" She could see him looking down at her, his face appeared more red then brown. She saw disturbing things in his eyes, like dancing flames. She was afraid, there was no getting around it.
 
 

It had been just over 24 hours since David's last call. Dena had expected it anytime now and had decided to stay home this evening. She had taken a long bath and slipped into a evening gown of pure cotton. The thermostat had been set for eighty, and she had almost created a Florida climate inside her apartment. She settled in her bed covered with brown and gold blankets, the latter more of. After fluffing two of the four pillows, she reached for the book she'd been reading, "After the Fall" by some newfound author. She had already read about where an electronic wave of natural energy, had covered most of the planet, killing everything and almost everyone in site. A group of workers at a casino of all places had managed to survive. They along with a few others where combing the United States, trying to find other survivors. She read about how the wave of energy had ripped through the earth's atmosphere, cutting the power lines and turning every living creature to dust. The only real reason these few workers had survived so far, was because of the building they worked in. The author explained about how the concrete had been poured with lead and how that along with a few other scientific lines of dialog, had shielded them from the energy pulse. Dena had found the book only slightly entertaining. She considered it mostly bullshit but had found of some of it, rather funny. She was just about where the workers had decided head further West, when she feel asleep.

The following morning, she had been awaken by a phone call. Head still under her blankets and book now on the floor, she answered it. "Hello" she said. Her voice filled with morning phlegm. "Dena? Dena it's me, how are you?" David's voice had broke through the morning fog, still circling in her head. "Oh hi David." she said. "What are you doing calling me so early?" she added. "Early?" he said. "Why it's just past noon, I was calling you because I need to talk to you." She sat up now and glanced over at the digital clock on the night stand, upon where it sat. She could see the time read 12:15 but paid very little attention to it. "What do you need to talk to me about David, I'm very busy right now." "Busy?" That's just it, your always busy, I can never get a chance to talk or to come by to see you, I just want to know what I'm doing wrong, I'm trying so much to be with you and your always pushing me away. Please, I need to know what's going on."

She had once again turned her attention towards the clock now blinking 12:26 and figured it was time to get up. She switched the phone to her other ear and tried to explain. "David, I don't understand what's the problem here. You keep asking me for personal information and I don't feel I should have to explain myself to you or anyone else. I'm trying not to be mean, but you just want too much sometimes, I need my space don't you understand that?" She could hear a pause in his voice, he was trying to recount her words and figuring the best way to respond at the same time. "Space?, you mean to tell me you need space?" he asked. "Dena, we haven't so much as gone out anywhere really in six months. We've only come to your place and after being what I call lovers after almost a year, I know very little about you. I don't even know your birthday or even your favorite color. We barely speak for more then 30 minutes at a time on the phone, and you never return any of my phone calls. I don't mean to sound paranoid, but apart from the fact that you don't speak much about yourself, I still don't know where you grew up at or even where you work. Why must you keep so much from me?" She could now hear a sense of pleading in his voice, that little boy inside all men that cries out whenever they find themselves not quite understanding the ways of a woman, she hated that sound, hated it so much.

"David, I'm hanging up now, I no longer feel this conversation can server any purpose besides pissing me off, do me a favor and don't call me back." She was waiting for his response, wanting to hear his "bitch, you fucking bitch" line, she waited. "Dena, please please try to understand that I'm really trying honey, I'm telling you that I'm trying so hard to make you happy, that you make me happy and that I want to only be with you, is that so wrong? I just want to know where we stand, you just drive me crazy by pushing me away and I don't know what I've done. Can't you at least tell me?" It was he who now waited. He kept his ear close to the phone trying so hard to listen, he waited for something to grab onto. So important was the next few words from her mouth, he held his breath. Four seconds later, it came in the form of a "CLICK".
 
 

She'd arrived at Kandy's  a little early for a Saturday night. It had rained most of the afternoon but towards the evening, the sun in a last attempt, tried to make good on the people of Salem, by drying up. The roads were still damp but most of the sidewalks had dried. The clicking of heels and echoes of voices once again played as back drop to a world known to many. "Coffee, black please." she asked and glanced around looking for the young lady, she'd seen not long before. After awhile she asked about the young girl. A woman wearing red hair had come to serve her, her dress a bit short for a waitress. "Excuse me, I was wondering if Lisa was working tonight?" The woman stood for a minute, hands almost on her hip. She was now looking around and trying to figure to herself who Lisa was. "Lisa?, I'm not sure if we have a Lisa working here." she answered. "Oh well, never mind" Dena said and stared down at her coffee. "Would you like anything else to go along with that?" the woman asked. She caught Dena off guard who had now been day, or in this case, night dreaming. "No" she answered, "This will be all, thank you." The woman smiled and turned, walking away.
 

"I'd bet anything she wasn't from around here." she said to herself. "She can't be."
Stirring her coffee, she couldn't seem to break away from the young girl's image. Was it her face or what she was hiding? she wondered. "Could I have dreamt the whole thing or not?" she asked herself.  She walked over to the counter and bought a newspaper, Dena almost never read the paper, there was something about information about real people that bothered her. The "Salem Gazette" was as close as one could get to local news. A small paper, for a small town. She glanced quickly at the front page. News about President Carter being hospitalized and of course "Salem County man, found dead". She turned past what she believed was unimportant news and glanced at her Horoscope.

After finishing her coffee, she  took to the streets once more. A young man wearing an outdated wool coat, approached her. She could see he had been a little nervous and was spending too much time looking over his shoulder. Dena hated it when they tried too hard. "Nasty men with little boy ways." she thought to herself, "knowing what you want, but too afraid to just come out with it." she thought again. He was trying to start a conversation and failing miserably, so much for the man in you, she thought. She stood for a minute, allowing him the time he needed and then decided to hurry him along. "Are you trying to ask me something?" she said. Her voice was low and soothing, despite the harsh sounds of the city. He seemed to collect his thoughts and only after hearing her break the silence, gained confidence. "Yea, I was wondering if you were doing anything tonight, thought that maybe we could go grab a cup of coffee or something to eat." She smiled at him, showing a wonderful set of nearly perfect teeth. She pulled back her dark brown hair which had found itself draped across her face. "Well, your a little late for coffee, seeing that I've already had my cup for the evening. And since I never eat after midnight, why don't we simply cut to the chase, your looking for some fun right?" she said.

The young man had now looked again behind them and for a minute and seemed to be blushing. She could see that he was young, maybe too young for her and was about to tell him that he had been mistaken about her. That despite her appearance, she wasn't a lady of the streets. She thought of telling him this very thing, until something changed.

                            There it was again, something's wrong

The motel on Vine and Adams Ave. was clean and for the most part, affordable. For $18.50 one could rest all night long and provided that they were out by 11:00 the next afternoon, would not be charged extra. The carpet was old and it's pattern cheesy at best. Most the of the out of towners would never consider coming here, it simply never appeared inviting enough. Mostly locals came here for a little away from home fun. It was never surprising to see a wife or two show up with means to find their husbands. There had been quite a few fights through the years, and one or two murders. But by and large the place seemed fairly safe, for what it was. The owners rarely questioned anyone for their names or their business, they were too busy counting the money forever growing.

Dena and her new friend had spoke a little as the taxi cab took the short drive downtown. The driver did as any driver should and kept to his business, glancing only twice in his rear view. Dena learned that her new friend had been named Alex, by his mother. He came from uptown Salem and hopes of getting laid before heading off to college in Boston. He tried to tell her more about himself, but could see she really wasn't interested. She smiled a little from time to time, allowing him to feel more relaxed, but even he could see it was just an act.

They arrived at the motel, Alex paid the cab fare and Dena waited. She stood motionless and only began walking after he had walked past her. "You get the room and I'll wait here." she said, and turned to look upward at the night sky. "Well, okay I'll be right back. Your not going to leave are you?" he asked. She looked over at him and winked, giving him a smile that seem to assure him that everything was going to be all right. To this he smiled, almost grinning. He checked his pockets for some cash and almost skipped towards the motel's office. Dena remained fixed on the stars above. "So many are there tonight." she thought. So many indeed. A slight chill came to her and she knew in that instant, it was time to leave. Clutching her coat at the collar, she could now see Alex waving her on, the world's biggest grin now upon his face.

The room was clean but had a damp smell about it. She walked over and turned up the heater which had been located along side the only window. Alex had first turned on the small color television, but then turned if off. By the time Dena had turned to look at him, he was still standing with his hands in his pocket. A nervous but excited grin had been spread across his face. "Why don't you sit and try to relax." she said, and walked over to where the bathroom was. She sat down her pocketbook and removed her coat. Alex had his first glance at what was to come, and he liked what he saw.

"I'm going to freshen up a bit, you stay right there okay?" she asked. Alex had now plopped down on the bed like a school boy waiting for his turn at a game of marbles.

When she returned from the bathroom, she found him laying in bed, along side his boots, T-shirt, a sweater and a dark brown scarf which had rolled up and neatly placed between the night table's lamp and a bible. She could see that he had been reading it, by the way it had been rearranged. He had once again turned on the television, but had the volume turned down. She could see the bluish glare of light, now flickering on his face. He said nothing, but looked as she walked slowly over to the bed. "So, you want to go to college do you?" she said. Dena had removed her bra and panties and slowly climbed into and under the paisley patterned blanket. Moving snake like, she reached under and took him member into her hand. She began the slow ritual of first rubbing and then stroking him. She looked back up to him and asked once more. "What is your future, college boy?" Her voice was warm and soothing, and Alex found himself almost hypnotize by the shear tone of it. "Yes, he said. "I'm not sure yet, but it's something I'd like very much to do?"

He was trying too hard to keep control, she could see that and to a certain degree, found it amusing. His body was now trying to rock from side to side and she had now worked her way down to kissing his chest and belly, her hands never stopped moving. She listened as his young voice moaned with excitement as it was now experiencing it's next change in life. She continued stroking him as she worked her lips to him. A gasp of air escaped him as she took him into her mouth. She could feel his hands exploring her back and the all so gentle way he tried to offer her  the pleasures he felt.

She clutched at his balls and smiled  to herself inside as she heard him again moan out. He reached down and was now gently stroking her hair. His right hand had now touched the side of her face, a finger traced the outline of her ear. Confusing thoughts were now racing through her mind almost faster then she could sort them. She pulled her mouth off him and had moved up and onto his chest. Once there, she looked down on the young face and could see, it had so much to learn. Alex's eyes were wide and excited. There was a touch of pity hidden beneath their hazel color, and she could also see, a secret. He was staring at her now, looking at her breast and their fullness, but more importantly he was staring at her. He snapped out of his daze long enough to attempt to reach for a condom, still sitting on the night table. As he did, she gently pushed it aside, his eyes returning to hers. "Do you think about your future Alex?" she asked in a warm and soothing manner. He voice only slightly above a whisper. She could see him thinking, not so much about the answer, but surprised to hear it coming from such a beautiful stranger, now sitting in front of him and completely nude. "I, I think about it all the time." he said. His voice now almost shaking. "Well, tonight Alex, think only for a day." With this said she pushed back herself onto him, slipping him inside.

They danced as lovers, he on the bottom and she on top. Their heated desires carried outward. He moaned uncontrollably as he struggled to please her. She continued humping him and could feel his legs trying to steady her. His hands cupped her breast and gently squeezed at her nipples. He cried out as she pushed him further inside and unleashed an orgasm. She could feel him shooting up inside her and released herself with him. Her eyes closed and rolled backwards and for a moment, she'd forgotten where she was.

As she looked down, she could see her makeshift lover had been crying. Tears had form a stream of curved lines down along side his face. When he saw her noticing them, he quickly tried to hide them, wiping one side away with his hand. She wanted to ask him, wanted so much to know but couldn't. As he laid there, she could still feel his heart beating wildly in his chest, his breathing lifting and lowering her. She climbed off slowly and backed out from under the covers. Walking back into the bathroom, she could see him turning away, he had turned facing the wall and wiped once more at a new set of tears following.

When she returned, he had dressed himself and now sat quietly on the edge of the bed. He had tried to present himself as a man to her, sitting up straight and proud. She walked over and sat down beside him, slipping on her shoes. He reached over and touched her hair, his hands still gentle. Dena had shared a bed with countless of men, many from here and outside the surrounding area. Never once had any of them upon finishing their business with her did what he did next. Alex Matthews age 18 born in Salem County, Ohio took a walk one evening searching for his place in the world. A father who's hard working skills had been pushing his son to do better, would later be proud of his efforts.

His hands still warm, touched her face and turned her to him. He gave her his best smile now shielded behind a layer of shyness. Looking straight at her, he whispered "Thank you". His words ended with a kiss so gentle, she fought back an emotion hidden deep. They sat for a moment, and just looked at the television, still flickering it's images. He excused himself and stood up reaching inside his pocket. He pulled out some money and asked if it were enough. The bills, as far as she could tell, appeared to be about four hundred dollars. He told her he could get more if he had to, that his father had given it to him to look for clothing for the Fall. Dena sat now looking up at the young man. His face filled with a rare form of honesty. "Tell you what big spender, I'd like you to do me a favor." she asked. He had now outstretched his hand, the bills rolled inside.

"I want you to take that money and do what your supposed to do, buy yourself the clothes you need for school, and above all, finish. I hate to see young people wasting a chance to be something, will you do that for me?" she asked. She was now standing in front of him, her height above by about an inch. In his eyes, she saw him trying, trying so much to understand. "I'm giving you a gift Alex, please take this offer and go." She's not sure if he understood, more then likely he wasn't supposed to. Some things we do for others, so that they will one day understand, and sometimes we do these things for ourselves.

She reached over kissing him for the last time on his forehead, and walked out the motel room. She buttoned the coat she'd been wearing and walked towards the sidewalk where a cab had been parked across the street. Waving it on, Dena Richardson got in and took a ride uptown. Going home.
 
 
                                             

Part 5
 

                                                              Winter '76

Had it not been for the prayers, the outright calling to the above for some help in any matter, she would never had made it. All to often, the world seemed so far away. Dena had prepared breakfast one morning and sat listening to the news with her mother. A foot and a half of snow had blocked their chances of schooling. Reports had been worst towards the East, as schools closed at an alarming rate. Tyrone had finished eating and backed away from the table. He looked over at Dennis who had just made the half way point and started in on him. "Boy, that food has got to be cold by now, takes you a week to eat. Can't figure where you put it either. Dena, tell your brother to hurry up." Dena looked over at Dennis and down at his plate. He was a slow eater, always had been. But she liked that, it was just one of the many things that seem to make him so special to her. He had a certain look that had made it's way to his face. There were times when she'd only see a look of sorrow whenever Tyrone would have one of his spells. This time was different, beneath that look of his, appeared a smile hidden from all except her.

She walked over to his plate and after placing some aluminum foil, removed and placed it in the oven where it would stay warm. She walked back over to where Dennis was still sitting and kissed him on the forehead. She reached up and gently touched his nose, making a "boink" sound. "Let's go big guy, time to get moving." she said. He jumped up from the seat with a wide grin, eyes wide and headed down the hallway to his bedroom. As he walked, he appeared to be almost skipping. Had he turned around, he would have caught a look of anger upon Tyrone's face. Dena finished clearing the kitchen table and turned to Tyrone. "He always eats slow, it's just his way." She could see him looking at her now, in his eyes she saw that thing again. He stood like a tower straight and tall to her, his body four times hers. "There are too many ways to that boy, a boy shouldn't have that many ways." he said. She could see him now glancing towards Dennis's bedroom, as she looked on, she noticed something she'd never seen before. A six foot Tyrone standing with clutched fist.  
 
 

Darkness had once again made it's way to the city of Salem, it's people out and searching.
Dena had showered and dressed. She slipped into red silk night gown and covered it with a overly large cotton night shirt. She stood looking in the mirror and tried her best to smile that girlish smile that so many found sexy. "Maybe I should bring along my little teddy bear?" she thought to herself. "Oh he would love that, I bet."

He was Jason Edward, owner of Edward's Construction company on highway 235 North. He'd met her only once at a dinner party over a year ago. She had been sitting in the lobby taking a break from what was a long night of nothing, when he walked past. She hadn't paid much attention to him, aching feet tend to do this. He walked back around and slowed giving both he and her a chance to make eye contact, more he then her. Dena watched a short tubby man with what little hair he had receding, walk by. The two had talked a little and he even managed a laugh or two out of her. He'd asked her about what she liked and disliked, keeping away from the obvious. After an hour or so of idle chit chat, she handed him a phone number with a promise of a good time and walked away. She could feel him watching her from behind.

It had been several months before he called. She had all bout forgotten about him, too busy one would guess until last month when he called and left message. She had listened to the message several times, flipping through her voice filing cabinet in her mind. It wasn't until that snicker of a laugh, that she realized who it was. There were only two words, that she remember most from the message "Please, call".

She made him wait almost two weeks before returning his call. When she did, it had been from a phone booth on Franklin and Pine ave. They had talked for awhile and she guessed that he could tell she wasn't calling from home. "So, how have you been?" he asked. She told him fine and had he been face to face with her, he would have been disappointed to have seen her beautiful brown eyes, roll upwards. "I was wondering when you'd get a chance to call me. "It's been awhile and I thought I made a fairly good impression on you." he continued. She had been listening to him, listen quite clearly but found the colors of city lights bouncing off the wet streets, more entertaining. "Oh no baby" she answered. "I had a really good time talking to you, it's just that I've been busy. "Work never seems to have it's breaks, you know." There was a moment of silence that cut through their conversation, it seemed to dampen his mood, she could feel it. "Tell you what, let's not talk about me anymore, I want to know more about you." she said. As if switched back on, he seem to light up again and resume talking.

He was midway through a crash course on himself to her, when the clicking of time running out on a pay phone, interrupted him. "Say, how about a date?" he asked. I can tell your out and since I'm not doing anything tonight, why don't we get together, if that's okay with you." He listened as she plucked a few more coins into the phone, and felt his chances were getting better. He could now hear the sound of the phone's receiver being shifted around. She asked if he could hold on a second and he listened to more shifting followed by voices being muffled out. Pushing his receiver closer to his ear, he tried to make out the what was being said. He could barely hear, but managed that there were three people talking, two men and she. There was a bit of laughing followed by muffling that sounded like "see you later" and she returned. "I'm sorry, I just ran into a friend of mine, what were you saying again?" she asked. Another pause, followed by " I want to see you, I want to see you tonight." she smiled and agreed.

For a man who owned his own construction company, his home looked rather modest to her. She checked the address once more and shook her head. Just before hanging up with Jason, he mentioned something about his club house, his playroom. She had her doubts. Knocking only once, she was greeted by Jason who had quickly opened the door and looking quickly over her shoulder and out into the street, closed it. "I so glad you could make it." he said. He had walked over to a lamp on the right side of the living room and turned it off. The room then took on a dark appeal, lit only by night lights, six of them. "If you'd be so kind as to follow me." he said and walked towards the back of the house to where a bedroom average in size, was.

"Would you like something to drink?" he asked and was now standing just in front of her with his hands firmly placed in both his pockets. "If he knew how silly he looked, would he stop?" she thought to herself and smiled at the answer. "No thank you." she replied. "You have a nice place here." she said, looking around at the bed and dresser. "Oh this place?" "This place is nothing, I just come here for my private fun time, I have a much larger home with two cats in the yard, if you know what I mean." he was still standing and now rocking a little having tried so hard to impress her. "Cats?" she asked. "Oh never mind, he said and smiled. "So, you'd like a date would you?" she was now sitting down on the bed which had now appeared two thirds the size of the room. "Well, yes" he replied. "But I'd like to ask you for a favor." he added. As he stood and she sat, she could now hear music playing as if coming from another room. It wasn't very loud, but close. "Do you hear music playing?" she asked. She had turned her head in both direction trying to figure it's point of origin. Jason stood hands still in his pockets and now wore a silly little grin, the kind that says I have a secret. "To answer your question, yes I do hear music, wonderful isn't it?" he said. She returned her attention to him who had now removed his hands and walked shyly over to the bed and sat down. "You really are just a big little boy, aren't you?" she thought to herself. "I was hoping that we could remain here tonight" he said. "I have no problem paying extra, just thought it would be easier if we stayed here." She could see him talking to her but noticed that he always seem to look away, as if speaking to himself but out loud. She could now see patches of gray forcing it's way through hair dye and wondered who he thought he was fooling.

"It's okay, fine with me if you'd rather stay here." she said. She got up and walked over to a large brown dresser drawer with a mirror. She started to remove her ear rings, when he spoke. "Wait!" he said, in an almost shouting tone. She turned to see him now standing, one hand this time had found it's way back to a pocket. "What's the matter?" she said. "I was just trying to get comfortable for you." He tried to look at her and she could see it must have been difficult, why was this? she thought. "I want to show you something, something of a secret. I want you to promise me that it will remain between us only, no one is to know, and for this I'll pay extra." he was still looking away as he spoke and she found herself having trouble reading him. "Look at me damnit!" she shouted inside, "I need you to look at me." She picked up the ear ring and placed it back on her right ear. Turning to him, she walked towards the man who now seemed rather short and leaned over to his right side. Her lips were just touching his ear when she whispered. "Now Jason, what secret have you for me?" Is it something nice, or nasty?"

She wasn't surprised to feel that his left hand that had returned to his pocket, now joined his right one and together they gently pushed her away. This time she could see, in those eyes, she could see.

As she backed away, the two now stood face to face. Jason's attention had now returned to the floor just to the right of her, his words shaky but clear. "I guess you've been with many men before, and I guess that for many it's rather important to please you as well as themselves. I'm asking you now, to understand me. To understand that sometimes we aren't able to be what we want. Will you keep my secret? Will you?"

She was listening very closely as he tried to ready her for himself, he wanted her to listen too closely. There were secrets there, this she could see, but something else was there, something hidden. "Jason, you have my word that whatever your secret is, the fact that you have choose to share it with me, I promise that it will remain just between us and unless you've told, no one will ever know." Her voice was soothing, just above a whisper. It was only now that she could see what looked to be a form of a human smile appearing just to the left and right side of his mouth. She walked back over to the bed and sat down, this time crossing her legs.

Jason now walked over to the bedroom closet. Sliding open the door, she could see that there was something special about it. She looked on from behind as he opened what looked to be a second door, smaller in size. Upon doing so, a gush of music made it's way from the new opening and rushed over to greet her, from below the opening, a reddish glow of light. He stepped down into the floor and turned to look at her. For a brief moment with his hair as it was and glowing red light, he looked the part of Satan, leading her to the very bowels of hell, at least the Hollywood version with Jack Nicholson. To this, she almost smiled and walked towards him.  

The stairs leading downward were stained and polished. The steps had been padded and provided a comfortable walk. Jason had been two maybe three steps ahead of her and only now, could she smell the sourness of his sweat. As she got to the end of the steps, she could now make out a large room. The walls were neatly painted and a full wall to wall carpet. There sat just to the right of the steps a small filing cabinet, black in color. Against one wall, stood a large big screen television and just in front of it, a leather love seat. She walked around for a minute, taking in everything including Jason who had seemly come to life. He had walked over to where a small bar had been built, it's wooden top also neatly stained and polished. He was pouring himself a drink and turned to ask what she thought. Dena nodded her head in agreement as if to say "Nice, very nice". He smiled and took a sip from his glass and walked towards another door. As he opened it, she could see it was a bathroom. He walked in, closing the door behind him.

Along the walls of the secret room were shelves, many shelves. She glanced over to the bathroom door to see that it was still close and despite the sound of the music, she could now hear running water. She walked over to where she could now see what sat upon the shelves. There were video tapes, hundreds of them all in black plastic cases. She noticed the outside of the cases contained no names. She herself owned a recorder and while most of the tapes she watched were rented, she had recorded a few shows of her own. She remembered writing something on the outside of the case to inform her of what the tape contained. These tapes however were different. No names, but numbers. She walked over to look at them and saw that the numbers were in order. One row of tapes, seem to start at number 1150 and end up at 1250. At the bottom of the fourth shelf, was the number 1645. She stood up to see that there were about six more shelves containing more black cases and of course, more numbers.

Dena reached up to remove one of the black cases, when the bathroom door opened. She stopped and turned to see Jason coming out and walking over to her. His shyness had been replaced with devilish grin and now he really did look like a Jack Nicholson kind of devil. With wet hair and a white bath towel wrapped around him, he walked over and kissed her on the forehead. "Now, what don't you take a moment and get comfortable." She smiled to his request and started off by kicking off her shoes. She had placed her pocket book on top of the filing cabinet, next to the stairs and walked over to the love seat. Her coat, she placed on the back of a wooden chair with rocking feet. "I like your night shirt." he said and threw her a boyish smile. "Do you now, wait until you see what's under it." she replied and walked into the bathroom.

When she came out, she saw that he had been sitting on the love seat with that white towel still covering himself. The music had been turned down, and now the room was lit with light from the big screen television. As she walked towards the him, she glanced over at the screen. A 65 inch screen displayed a porno film, to which a woman was being fucked in the ass. Dena looked back at Jason and then back over to the screen. "Well lover, are you getting warmed up without me?" she asked. He reached for the remote and turned the volume of music completely off, and the sounds of sex, up.

Dena looked over at a small table along side the love seat and noticed a black plastic case, number 1075. Glancing back at the screen, she realized that Jason had amounted a large collection of pornographic films. She looked back at him only to notice that he had become fixed to the screen. The towel had been removed and he along with his right arm and hand, were now jerking off. Dena walked over to the back of the love seat, her red night gown, almost flowing. "Hey lover, why don't you let me handle that for you?" she said. Dena reached over and gently slid his hand away and began stroking him. She reached over kissed him on the neck, his eyes closing slightly. She could hear him moaning deep inside his chest, and with her other hand, stroked his chest hairs.

She looked up to see that the couple on the screen had changed positions, the man had now laid the woman on her back, his dick now pushing inward. Dena could hear the woman begging for more as the man pushed on. Jason's eyes were now flickering as he watched with excitement. Dena continued stroking him and stopped only for a minute. She walked around towards the front of him and attempted to give him a show. Jason said nothing, but stretched his head to the right, trying to look past her. She stepped to the side only to notice that he had once again returned to excitement.

She removed the thinly laced nightgown and stood bare beside the love seat, she began playing with herself almost in front of him, only to notice that he never once looked her way. "Wouldn't you much rather have this honey? she said. "It's all here and very real." she added. Jason's eyes remained fixed upon a screen now showing the couple in a doggie position. The camera had now been changed to show them from behind. Dena watched as the man pushed himself inside the woman's pussy and after a minute or two, removed himself and returned back into her ass. The music from the tape played some weird sort of seventy styled jazz music which Dena may have heard once or twice before.

She returned back to Jason's line of vision and again tried to offer herself to him in exchange for the video's moving images. Again she noticed him looking away and while not saying one word, she could see that she had disrupted his pleasure mood. Returning him to his video, she dropped to her knees and crawled towards him. She could see him again fixed to the screen. Making her way between his legs, she took him into her mouth and began sucking him off. Her hands stroked both his member and balls as she sucked away at the tip. Slurping sounds came from Jason's real life lover, but he hardly noticed. He eyes continued dancing upon the screen as the couple changed positions once more. The man's body now covered in sweat, lifted the woman and while standing, shoved himself inside her, pushing her up and down as the woman cried out in pleasure.

Dena removed her mouth from an erect Jason, walking around to the back of him. She made sure not to distract his view, as she walked over to the black filing cabinet where her pocketbook had been placed. Returning to him from behind, she again tried to whisper words of excitement. "Come my lover, why don't we join them? They look like they're having fun, don't you want to have fun?" her voice had soothed him and she could see him enjoying it. His dick remained fully erect and he had returned his hand and was once again playing with himself, eyes still fixed to the screen.  The man had now placed the woman on a table, spread her legs and was now leaning back and moving forward, his dick coming almost completely out before moving back in. Dena could hear the woman almost crying with pleasure, as she laid on the table, clutching at her breast. Jason's body began shaking as his eyes rolled backwards, Dena had removed his hand and was now jerking away at him. The man who had been pounding away at the woman on the screen, began a small series of shakes himself. As if perfectly timed, The man pulled himself out of the woman and ejaculated across her body, just as Jason Edwards did. Dena could hear both men coming at the same time. She continued stroking him as he released more of himself, catching the carpet and some of the love seat. As his body continued it's jerking motion, Jason Edwards owner of Edwards Construction company would find that this would his last act.

There is a very thin line between pleasure and pain. Most people wouldn't argue this.
But what very few know is, that upon the very thin line that separates both emotions, is death.

As Jason Edwards sat in his favorite seat, in his favorite room, watching his favorite type of movie, even he would not have expected in a million years to have the stinging sensation of a straight edge razor cutting away at his throat at the very point of orgasm. She cut from left to right and as he tried to scream out, she watched as his dick continued spurting as she pulled his head back, spraying the 65 inch screen with fresh blood.

Walking away and over to were her gown had been placed, Dena picked it up, dressed herself and wiped the remaining blood on his while towel. She returned her attention to the film still playing. A new couple had met and another woman had begun undressing, her large breast now being sucked. Dena walked over to the remote and turned off the volume. She kept the movie playing figuring that Jason would have like it that way.
 
 
 

Part 6
 

"So this is it? Is this all that's it's going to be? How much longer should I waste my time talking and trying to reach you, before I say fuck it?" I'll tell you this, never in my life have I tried harder to make something work, to give some kind of meaning to something worth while. "And to think that it's not you, but I who have apparently been the fool." "The mere thought of this alone, almost brings me to tears. "I just don't understand you, and to make matters worst, I'm beginning to wonder if maybe I'm losing my belief in myself, that maybe this life that I hold so close and try so hard to protect, in the end isn't worth shit to you."

"David, it's not that at all. I've tried to explain myself to you over and over before. I'm not the kind of person you want me to be. Hell, I'm not sure what it is that I'm trying to do. I know that you care for me, that you may in fact love me. I can feel you working so hard, and trying so often to break through what you believe is a solid wall. You have to believe me that if it were something that I could do, something could be turn off or switched on, I'd do it. In the past, I would have never let anyone this close. But in you I see something real, something different. And it's to this that I find myself running scared at times."

"Scared? You have to be kidding me, I'm the one who's scared, scared shitless that one day I'm going to wake up and find that the woman I love so much and know so little about, is gone. The thoughts of you breaking away from what little hold I may have on you, frightens me to shit. You haven't a clue what this does to me, how it rips away at me. And Dena it does this to me every fucking day. I can't stand it sometimes. Have you any idea how much I long to be with you? Have you a clue as to the how much your world and everything you are, excites me to beyond words.? I'll tell you this, and I mean it too, my life isn't worth shit without you, do you hear me? My life and all that I've done and seen isn't worth a fucking dime, unless there is at least one ounce of hope for us."

"Please David, don't do this. I'm trying so hard to believe. I want more then anything to truly understand why things happen the way they do. I have so many things happening in my life right now, things you would never be able to understand, things that I myself are having trouble understanding. It's not as easy being me as you think, my life, my world is filled with so many unanswered questions that keep me forever spinning out of control, that it would not only be mean, but downright evil to ask anyone to deal and settle with me."

"Deal and settle? Are you fucking crazy or something? There's nothing more that would please me then to have a true moment with you, one where we could go for a walk or take a trip somewhere and spend some time. I'd love to know more about you, you can't tell me that there isn't more to you then what I know. I just don't understand why these simple request seem so hard for you to understand, my life for yours, it's just that simple."

"No, it's not just that simple. I can't expect you to deal with things the way I'm trying to. Like everyone else, I'm learning more about myself every day, some days are better then others. Sometimes, I'm so happy being me and I enjoy the things my life has become. But these are far and few in between David. You see me from eyes painted in ideas, in hopes, and in maybe dreams. It's those dreams David, not yours but mine that frighten me sometimes. There are days that I honestly believe that I'm losing my mind! That there's no one at the wheel of my life who cares. I couldn't ever tell you of how this drives me to the point of madness, or how I deal with it. These are things I must carry with me, only me.

"So it's you, this is what I'm talking about. All that you said is so foreign to me. It just doesn't make sense, none what so ever. How is it that you go through these ups and downs alone? Why would you do this when you know how much I want to be there for you, to help you. I feel you hide so much about your life to me that I just don't know what to think sometimes. It's like we're talking now, I'm pushing to get in, to learn and to understand. I'm showing you everything I am Dena. I'm putting everything on the table and laying the cards, still in my hand, down. Every since we met, I've always been honest with you, you should know this. I want to understand why you hide so much of yourself to me, why is this?

"Maybe I should go, we're not getting anywhere with this and maybe it's for the best."

"Wait! Dena, listen to me, don't hang up on me baby, we are getting somewhere. We're going to get somewhere because I love you, do you hear me, I LOVE YOU! and I don't care who knows it. Do you want me to say it again? huh? How about writing it in the sky for you on your birthday, if I knew your birthday. You see? This is what I'm talking about, this makes me so crazy! I thought we were lovers, that we had that little something that makes something big. I could see it in your eyes, when we first made love, do you remember Dena? Remember how I held you, how I begged you to let me in, to open your heart to me? I remember how you held me when we finished. I loved the way you touched me, so gentle and pure. Even as I close my eyes right now, I see your face, that wonderful face that looked at me that night, and it was in those eyes Dena, that I saw my life."

"You saw what you wanted to see David, I'm sorry but it's true. I care about you, can't lie about that. But maybe there's things you want, things that I can't give you. And it's those things that bind you to me even when you shouldn't. I'm not going to say it wasn't beautiful that we didn't have a night to remember, I won't lie about that. But I'm just asking you to please understand, it's not what it seems, not always."

"Not always? What is that supposed to mean Dena?

"I don't know David, it's just what it sounds like. Look, my world is fucked okay, shit seems to make twist and turns faster then I myself can figure them out. I'm not going to go into it with you, because I can't figure the shit out for myself."

"Dena, what the fuck is to figure out!" Why must we keep going back and forth, over and over and around and fucking around with the same subject every time. It's you! Your the one keeping all this so screwed up! You won't listen to me and I'm trying so fucking hard to understand why! I hate when you do this shit to me! I hate it damnit! The rest of the world is living it's life, it's people living and loving. But because I chose to fall in love with you, my life and everything around it is fucked! The only woman in the world I love fucks me over every fucking time I try to get close to her! Do you hear me? I hate this shit, Dena! I hate what you do to me, the crazy way you drive me! I don't need this shit baby, I don't!

"David, I have to go."

"Oh you do, do you? Oh my God! Once again I try to talk, try to understand what the fuck is going on, and just as life is setting itself in a mold of normality, you have to fucking go! Okay fine, you go Dena, you go and keep going, go all the fucking way to wherever the fuck your going. Get fucking ready world, Dena is going, so fucking go why don't you. Go ahead, hang up the phone once more and that simple silence and click, it's your trade mark I want you , to know! And know one does it better Dena, nope, no one tells a man how to fuck off better the you Dena! Go ahead champ, show me again how it works! Come on, show mean David how you tell him to go fuck himself?"

"CLICK!"

"Yea, just what I figured you'd do."
 
 

She hung up the phone and sat still for several minutes. Her head was pounding now and she'd swear she could hear the clock in the kitchen, hanging midway up the wall, ticking. The sound of a little children running by, snapped her from her daze and she looked over at the bedroom clock, 2:35 pm. She returned her gaze at the phone, still sitting in her lap and waited. Ten minutes later, it rang. She sat with her hand on the unit feeling the vibrations from the ringing, deciding whether or not to answer it. On the sixth ring, she did. She said nothing, but held the receiver to her ear just the same.

"Dena, it's me. I'm sorry..........Click!

She placed the phone down softly and set it aside. She turned and slowly slid back under the covers, to where she held her pillow close, and cried.
 
 

                                                    Spring '77

The morning had come, bringing the flowery smell of a soon to come summer. Dena had just finished getting up and dressed, when she heard Dennis who had found mornings easier to embrace, cry out. She jumped up from her bed and while trying to tie her left sneaker, raced down the hall and out the front door. Dennis was sitting on the fourth of five steps leading to their apartment. Dena could see he had been sitting awhile because of the way his pants had wrinkled. "What's the matter Dennis?" she asked. She hadn't realized it then, but had she taken a moment to notice, she would have seen it for herself. He had spent the morning plucking small stones. He enjoyed doing this for some reason and Dena guessed it was his own way of dealing with the small issues that came to one who had the problems he had. On this morning however, a small caterpillar coated in fur, had been up as well, looking for food. Dennis had called it a friend, and tossed a stone in it's direction. Not understanding, the stone had crushed his little friend, and after poking at it a few times to notice no movement, he cried out.

When Dena arrived, she saw Dennis sitting, his head down and drops of tears collecting on the steps. When she asked once more, what had happened, he pointed down. "I am sorry Denna" he said. "I didn't mean to hurt him, I just wanted to play." She looked back down at the little creature, a wonderful color of brown and yellow. She saw that there had been beauty there, beauty that Dennis had seen and liked. "It's okay little guy" she said. Come on, let's go find another one, come on." She motioned him to follow her but he wouldn't. He couldn't bring himself to leave the insect, frozen in death. "We can't leave it here Denna, we have to bury it, bury it like people, please." She smiled and told him "okay".

She watched as gentle hands carefully picked up the caterpillar. They walked over to the field around the side of their apartment, where a set of swing sets and monkey bars were. There was a small pond where the grass seem to stay green year round. The two sat next to the pond and Dena watched as Dennis who had run back into the house to got a spoon from the kitchen, dug a small hole in the ground. He had also returned with a small handful of tissues blue in color. Lining the hole with some of the tissues, he held the small creature in his hands and Dena listened as her brother tried to offer prayer. "Please God, please look after my friend, I'm sorry that I did what I did and I promise to never do it, never again." Dena never said a word as her brother said farewell to his friend, in all the time she sat and observed a brother so kind.  Dennis finished his prayer and gathered two twigs, forming them into a cross. With nothing to tie them together, he placed them down on top of the freshly turned dirt. He stood up and dusted off his pants and turned to her. She had now stood almost a full foot and a half above him, and wanted to giggle at the way he held up his hand to shield out the sun as he looked to her for guidance. "Well, mister" she said. "Looks like you'll need another friend, won't you?" He smiled at her and with the sun catching a glimpse of his face, she could see that her brother's eyes had turned a wonderful hue of green and gray. "I am so lucky to have you as my brother, do you know that?" she asked. He smiled back and took her hand and the two walked out into the fields, searching for another furry brown and yellow friend.
 
 
 

Night had once again returned, it's awful feelings came with it. She had awakened to the sound of a telephone ringing, it's metal bell returning her to a world of uncertainty.

"Hello, who is this?"

"Hi, it's me Anthony, remember we had a date? Shit, I didn't wake you did I?

"No, I was getting up anyway. How are you?"

"Well, I'm doing fine, was hoping to see you, maybe catch up on some old times, what do you say, feel like an old friend?

"Strange as this may sound, yea I do, I really do."

"Great! Can I meet you somewhere?

"How about Jazzy's, I'm hungry."

"Baby for you, anywhere. Say about an hour?"

"Make it two honey, and be in the mood for some fun."

"Fun is my middle name baby, see you soon..bye"

"Okay, bye."

She hung up the phone and looked over at her answering machine. No calls in the last six hours. "Oh David" she said to herself. "Please try to understand."
 
 
 

                                                        To Be Continued